


Someone New

by neversaydie



Series: My Church is not of Silver and Gold [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Dance, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-11-20
Packaged: 2018-05-02 14:22:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5251454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neversaydie/pseuds/neversaydie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's been in recovery for a long time now. He's quit his old dance company and got himself on track to start his life over with his musician boyfriend. </p><p>Meeting his baby nephew for the first time should be nothing but a happy occasion, right? No landmines in his head to trip up during a simple afternoon hanging out with his sister. What could possibly go wrong?</p><p>[bridge to the coming sequel of Take Me to Church]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone New

**Author's Note:**

> Someone requested a TM2C verse drabble for my 1000 follower fic fest over on tumblr, so I decided to take the opportunity to bridge the gap between the first story and the coming sequel. 
> 
> Sequel coming soon, enjoy!

"I still can't believe you and the thing you mated with made something this cute."

Motherhood apparently hasn't curbed Becky's bitchiness any, as she rolls her eyes with all the ferocity she's ever had at her brother's repeated comment. Bucky is sitting on the faded couch with the baby in his lap, forefingers tightly grasped in tiny fists that aren't letting go any time soon. It's a familiar sight, in the week since he met his nephew on his first trip to America Bucky has been fairly reluctant to hand the kid over once he got a hold of him. It's nice, Becky thinks, to witness him be so gentle with something, soft in a way she's rarely seen him over the years.

Their lives have room for softness now. She hopes that doesn't change for her brother now his new company is kicking into high-gear.

"And seriously, Victor? Could you _be_ more Eastern Bloc?"

"If you keep bitching about it then you're gonna be on diaper duty all afternoon." Coffee in hand, Becky settles down on the couch next to them and pokes Bucky in the shoulder pointedly. He doesn't flinch away from the tiny attack, because it won't leave a bruise on his paper-skin these days.

There's a lot more meat on his bones than the last time she saw him, fucked up and pale as he shook his way through the departure gates to rehab. He doesn't look so much like a corpse now, and she's never seen her twin smile as much as he does when he's making stupid faces at the baby lying on his legs and kicking softly at his newly-solid chest. It's been a long time since Bucky's actually looked like he gives a crap about breathing, and in the back of her mind Becky had been afraid that the same listlessness would persist even after he was supposedly 'better'.

This week, she's been pleasantly surprised.

"You made it, you handle its poop." Bucky grumbles absently, leaning down to boop his nose to Victor's and make the baby give the snuffly half-giggle that's not really a laugh yet.

His hair is tied back into the tight bun he hasn't worn since his ballet days, because he'd learned a hard lesson about small, grabby fingers on the very first day. Steve had nearly fallen over laughing at the crestfallen expression on his boyfriend's face when the baby had yanked out a chunk of hair, and Bucky had refused to let him cuddle the kid for the rest of the day. It was an effective deterrent, because apparently Steve is just as broody as he came across when he'd flailed over Skype at the newborn baby.

Becky has to wonder if there are kids in Bucky's future, or if he even realises that if Steve sticks around there probably will be.

"Are you taking him to visit Mom and Dad while you're over?" There's a forced casualness in Bucky's tone, but Becky's been handling his bullshit for way too long to be fooled by that. They're adults now, kind of, so it feels like a step backwards that he's still acting like this. They should be able to be honest with each other, not walking over the fucked up path they've already trodden.

Still, it's not like she can blame him. Their parents are still a wound that neither of them want to pick at too soon in case it turns septic all over again.

"Nah, I don't want him around that shit. I've already gone mama bear on people in the supermarket for touching him without asking, I don't wanna think about what'd happen if _they_ started being assholes near him." Becky reaches over and runs a hand over Victor's downy dark hair, wondering how much she should tell her brother about what's been going on with their parents behind the scenes. "I sent them some pictures. Y'know what she said?"

"Do I want to?" There's a little tension in Bucky's spine, but his hands are still relaxed where he's letting Victor play with them and he isn't showing any of the signs that used to clue her in that he was going to freak out. So Becky decides to tell him, because she's beginning to think he can handle it.

"She said he could be a dancer. He had the legs. As if you can look at a month-old baby and see that." She laughs, dry and hollow, because of how ridiculous and painful the situation still is. She never imagined she'd be keeping her baby away from its grandmother, but everything changed after Bucky's real childhood came to light. Everything is new now.

Nothing is the same anymore, not even them. That's not necessarily bad or good, it just is.

Bucky doesn't respond to what she says, just huffs out something strangled that was probably meant to be a laugh and keeps his attention on his nephew. They haven't talked about their family for a long time, not since there was treatment and the baby and the new company, and life seemed to get busy enough that they could pretend the past never happened. Becky could, anyway. She's never asked Bucky if he managed to keep his head down and get on with things as practically as she did.

Maybe she should. But maybe she can let her brother handle himself now without trying to babysit him. The familiar rulebook got ripped up a while ago and she's not sure how to proceed anymore, which landmines in his head are disabled and which have been freshly laid since the last time she ventured near.

"So…" Becky breaks the slightly tense silence that's fallen over them (probably a bad idea to tell him what their mom said, just her luck), and pulls out her phone to snap another picture of Bucky and Victor together. "When are you and Steve getting hitched, then?"

Awkward segue, wrong question. If the way Bucky finally looks up at her with wide eyes is anything to go by, anyway. The Barnes twins have always been good at putting their feet in their mouths.

"We're not even engaged." He doesn't exactly sound shocked, but his voice is rougher than the rest of the time they've been together this week. It's been strange to hear Bucky speak without the scratch in his throat from frequent puking, but this is a lot closer to what Becky can't help thinking of as his 'normal'.

"Yeah, I know." She takes a sip of her coffee to stall for time to think, because Steve has been asking her opinion about rings for months now and she doesn't want to blow the surprise. Although it's starting to look like maybe Bucky wouldn't react too well to his boyfriend getting down on one knee right now. "But don't you wanna be? One day, I mean."

"I… I mean…" Bucky's never been great at planning his future, Becky knows that. His personality is all about instant gratification and not thinking about the long-term consequences, but she'd thought that had changed since he'd been through rehab and been able to stick to the programme and stay healthy. From the look of him right now, she's not sure her assumption was right. "Maybe. I… The company is just about to start classes. I don't have time…"

"Just don't put another company in front of what makes you really happy, okay?" Becky breaks into his stuttering gently, but with a firmness she doesn't usually extend to her brother. She made the mistake of becoming friends with Steve, she supposes, because there's more to this than just Bucky sabotaging himself now. "You're not that guy anymore, don't act like him."

"I… yeah. Okay. Can you take him?" Bucky shifts the baby in his lap, unsteadily pulling his fingers out of the clutch of tiny fists. He's gone pale, and Becky is seriously regretting bringing them onto this topic when it's clearly blindsided him. This whole meeting has kind of turned into a disaster. Same old Barnes twins. "I've had to piss for like twenty minutes now."

"Buck…"

"I just gotta piss. Promise." He twitches a smile that looks weaker than he probably means it to, but it's more convincing than the rictuses he pulled in the past. They've been apart so long that Becky's not sure if he's being genuine or not. His knee is starting to twitch, so she takes Victor from him before the baby can get unsettled and start crying. "I'm not that guy anymore. Like you said. Right?"

"Yeah, Buck. Sure." It's not like she can stop him, and she's not even sure if she needs to, but the way Bucky bolts for the bathroom leaves a bad feeling in her gut.

Victor must be pretty smart, for someone who can't hold his head up yet, because he starts crying the moment the bathroom door closes. Becky holds him close and tries to tell herself that Bucky isn't her problem anymore, that they've both grown up and changed and that her brother is mature and stable enough now to take care of himself. That the mere suggestion of getting engaged to his boyfriend isn't enough to send him spiralling after he's been stable for so long.

Even in her head, it's not that convincing.

In the bathroom, behind the locked door, Bucky tries. He closes his eyes and does his bullshit breathing exercises and even reaches for his phone to text Steve. But Steve would want to know why he was triggered, want to know why the idea of planning his future, committing to something that will _never_ allow him to fuck up is so terrifying for him. Why he still needs the hustle of a too-busy working life to distract himself from the idea of really having a future, of accepting the fact that he won't keel over and die tomorrow and that restricts his choices exactly the same way as they were closed off when he didn't think he had any. So he doesn't text, he doesn't call, and he sure as hell doesn't ask for help because he's supposed to be _fine_.

For the first time in six months, Bucky leans over the toilet and sticks his fingers down his throat.

Maybe old habits never really die. Maybe he can't be someone new after all.


End file.
